#BTColumn – Ilaro Court of Dodds – it’s a matter of choice

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today.

by Everette W. Howell

“What I am is because somebody loved me.”

During the summer of this year (2020), Barbadian parents had another opportunity to gather their children together from time to time and share with them lessons gleaned as our Nation eulogized the late Professor, the Right Honorable Owen Seymour Arthur, teacher, economist, Prime Minister, politician, student, boy, child from a little village in the north of the island, son of poor parents, but who cultivated a vision of a preferred future and worked hard to see that vision become a reality.

Owen was a normal lad who got into mischief like all ordinary boys. He raided mango trees and sugar cane from neighboring plantation fields. He teased girls in uniform
on his way to school.

He helped with chores at home and around the yard. Like most boys, he was tempted to throw stones at dogs, play marbles, and fly kites when he ought to be studying.

Parents were given another opportunity to point out to a child or children how the journey of an ordinary child from an ordinary family could lead from ordinary to extraordinary.

How was it possible for anyone to miss Dodds and end up at Ilaro Court or some other reputable location? If you say that it is a matter of choice, you may be correct. But whose choice?

“Every child longs for attention – a need for identity.” Attention calls for time, affection, patience, a cultivated relationship and an attendant adult to guide it through and love them through the following three phases of growth and development: dependence, independence, and interdependence.

Research confirms that by age seven, a child’s personality is set for life. Parents, fathers and mothers, are given that sacred and awesome responsibility to prepare that child during its dependent phase of growth on how it will cope during the next two phases of its development. That responsibility cannot be safely transferred to someone else, the babysitter, the village, friends at a club or church.

Parents involved in making a child should have a clear vision of what they want that child to become and the necessary steps and sacrifices to be made in order to transmit the same vision
to the child.

Have parents kept up with changing times and interests?

A synthesis of 18 studies conducted in the 1980s compared the influence of certain institutions on the values and behaviour of 13 to 19-year-old youth and how that influence has shifted over time.

“In the 1960s, the family exercised the greatest influence on teen behavior and values. This was followed by schools, friends and peers, and the church.

“Twenty years later, friends and peers jumped to number one, followed by family, the media and then the schools.

“During the following 20 years, the media (MTV) graduated to number one. This was followed by friends and peers, the family and the schools. The church no longer features in the top four influencers of teens but is expected to play an important role in the community.”

The same research indicates the following. “Music interprets and defines life for the teenager. Music has become one of the most effective teachers, preachers, and evangelists of our times.”

“Television serves to make kids more aggressive.” A study of 875 third grade boys and girls discovered that there was a direct relationship between the violent TV programmes they watched and their aggressiveness in school.

The following guidelines have been shared to assist any serious parent in coaching skills as the teenager navigates through the independent and interdependent phases of development.

Four guiding principles in music selection

The lyrics: can the lyrics pass the test for, “whatsoever things are biblically and theologically correct?”

The lifestyle of the authors and producers: is the lifestyle a safe one to follow?

The goal: is the goal of the producer chiefly motivated to make music or to be the devil’s advocate?

What are the graphics? The eye is the window of the soul. What it sees, it may choose to copy.

What teens believe determines how they live their lives. Their values determine their actions.

What they need from us as adults is direction. They have not travelled this road before. Someone has said that true greatness has to do with the quality of service given to the least of humanity.

In the eulogies shared with the public about the life and times of Professor Owen Arthur his focus on improving the lives of others in his care and the community for which he had political responsibility were stressed.

Within the next few months, important issues will be brought forward, requiring the input of all in making that final decision.

Will we, at this time, choose to become a Republic? Will discussions regarding same-sex marriages and legalizing mind-altering substances for general use become acceptable? What will be used as the criterion in determining what is a right or wrong choice? Will our Constitution be able to protect our rights and freedom of choice?

These will be important discussion points, but such should not eclipse the need for serious dialogue on the improvement of parenting skills, the mentoring of our youth during the transitional stages from childhood to young adults. We cannot afford to leave behind youth with potential to be groomed, cultivated and harnessed for future good.

If our children are going to turn out well and be coached and groomed to make right choices, adults must be available to be engaged in mentoring and coaching them before they make wrong choices and end up at the less preferred place of residence.

Everette W. Howell is retired ordained Pastor of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.