I work with this married couple, and I won’t say where because Barbados is a very small place. They are both young, met at work and “fell in love” and got married about a year or so after.
The thing is long before they were married I kept hearing he was gay but knowing the sort of person I am I quickly dismissed it knowing how Bajans love to start a rumour.
But as time went on I started to notice things myself. And it wasn’t speculating I was doing.
His car was always filled with young boys – this one boy in particular that I couldn’t figure for the life of me what the two of them had in common.
The rumours became more persistent and I also started hearing about the same young boy as well.
This guy had a “good position” at work, he was well groomed, wore expensive things and always smelled good.
But the boy he was hanging out with a thug dressed in clothes my co-worker would never dream of wearing.
The wife I am sure heard all the rumours I heard and at first I admired her for ignoring the talk and sticking to her husband’s side.
But as time went on and signs were so visible I told myself she had to be in denial for real.
To make a long story short, I was at a friend’s house one night and a young lady that was there at the time found out where I worked and asked me if I knew him. She then proceeded to tell me he is gay and how the thug and him were always together late at night and she would have seen them in peculiar positions more than once.
People warned the wife.
That was quite a number of years ago but recently he started picking up an 18 or 19 year-old boy who’s as gay as can be from my neighbourhood.
This is not a rumour as I have seen them myself. He then takes him home at all hours of the night.
It seems his mother is condoning his behaviour although I’ve heard them quarrelling recently about his activities and the men that have been picking him up.
Should I tell his wife what I’ve seen or just leave them alone as it really is none of my business.
— Can’t Help Noticing
Since Yuh Ask, CHN, here’s my advice. Confront this man one-one-one in private and tell him in no uncertain terms that you know what he is doing, that he is an immoral and unkind person and that you intend to tell his wife all you know unless he tell her first. Give him a deadline and if you see no signs that he has told her, then you tell her.
I agree with you that given the picture you have painted she ought to be aware, but sometimes we are so close to the forest we can’t see the trees. Once you have done that, as far as I am concerned it should not be of concern to you – you have done your duty and your conscience should be clear.
It is really up to the couple to decide where they go with the situation; and if she decides she is sticking with her husbands, it may be a foolish and life threatening thing, but it is her decision. Respect it!