I’m writing you from New York just to let you know that I will never again get involved with a Bajan man as long as I live. I don’t care if he is the last man on this earth, I don’t want a thing to do with him. I am from Guyana and have been living in the US since I was nine years old. My mother is Guyanese, but my father was Bajan, so as you would understand I always had a connection to things Bajan.
When I met this Bajan man who was working in the US, it was so much fun talking to him about things my father used to tell me. I felt like I was in Barbados and the more we talked the more I looked forward to visiting.
Eventually we became more than friends and after more than a year we decided to get married. As I said he was working in the US and had to go back home to get certain matters settled, at least that is what he said. All the time we would talk and I really believe he loved me as much as I loved him. We continued to settle the plans for the wedding.
All the plans were in place for the wedding in April. I paid for the reception hall, the caterers, all the decorations, the chapel — everything. I had no problem doing this because he was not here and in any event we had agreed we would be moving into a new apartment after the wedding and he would take care of those expenses.
He was supposed to be back up here two weeks before the wedding, but I realised that as the time got closer he did not seem nearly as excited, and he would keep telling me his ticket was booked, but he could not tell me when the flight would arrive.
Would you believe that one week before the wedding this man had the gall to tell me he was not coming to New York anymore, but that he still loved me. In fact, he loved me so much that he could not lie to me anymore, he had to let me know he was already married.
How could someone be so unkind, so hurtful, so nasty. It was not like I was running him down or something like that. We were just friends and the friendship turned into more. At anytime he could have said it was going farther than he intended and that he had a wife. But he lied to me for more than a year. He made me spend thousands of dollars, and left me with a wedding dress that I will have now to sell at a loss.
I have a girlfriend from Trinidad and a very close work colleague from Jamaica and they both say that all Bajan men are like that, tricksters. They say you can never trust anything a Bajan man tells you, and I have to believe them. I don’t want to see Bajan even written on a piece of paper.
Since Yuh Asked, BH, let me say I understand your hurt, pain and anger. No man should treat a woman like that and it does not matter if he is Bajan, Trini, Guyanese, whatever. Each of us should practise honesty in our daily dealings and clearly this man is dishonest.
I have to agree with you that he could have declared his status at anytime along the way, but he chose not to.
But you would be just as bad if you went through life hating Bajan men because of the conduct of this scoundrel. I assure you that he does not represent Bajan men. So brush him and the bad memory off and move on with you life. But test carefully any new man who enters your life, regardless of his nationality.