So last week I had a run –– as opposed to de runs –– to Miami; A couple of experiences De Vendor hope not to repeat. I was not exactly off to a flying start.
I had two hectic days planned; every minute had to count. It was all meetings and work; so yuh boy head straight to de Budget Car Rental to pick up de car and move. Nearly three hours later, I only now beginning to drive out de people place.
I needed a GPS becausing I was going to be in some addresses dat was unfamiliar. So I get GPS, gone to de car, load up, and suddenly realize, “Wait, where de GPS gone?”
GPS missing, not in backpack; mystery number one. Back to de car rental counter and engaging de madam at de desk.
“But, sir” she said, “I sure you left here wid de GPS and, as yuh can see, it ain’t here.” “Well, ma’am,” says I, “I don’t have it.”
Mek a long story short, she give me a new one; but de mystery of de GPS still pun my mind. As I walking back to de car I had a brainwave.
“Market,” I said to muself, “you went to tek a wee on yuh way to car lot; maybe, just maybe, yuh left de people instrument in de bathroom.”
So yuh boy went to de bathroom and there pun de ground at the entrance to de stall is Mr GPS. I hold on to de door when all I hear in a loud Amurcan voice is: “Sir, do not enter that stall. Stand back!”
’Bout three police officers wid a dog pun de scene. Some idiot like dem report a strange object in de bathroom and de security boys get call out.
“But,” I said “dat is muh GPS.”
De fellas won’t let muh near de stall until de dog sniff de bag. Looka trouble fuh De Vendor!
Thankfully, de dog didn’t show much interest, and I am get back de GPS, returned de second one, feeling li’l foolish ’bout de whole episode.
Back to de car and ready to rock; reach fuh de handbrake and release, and all I hear is de bonnet open up. Wuh loss! Dis is not my day at all. Left de car running and exit to shut de bonnet. Return, and de car lock; my valuables, money, phone in de damn car!
“Maybe I should head back home. Things not shaping up right at all.”
So off to de car rental counter again.
“What is it dis time, sir?”
Feeling like a bucket of used Breeze water, I explain.
I could see de lady Size 42 cups heave as she sigh: “Okay, go back to de car and I gine send someone to fix de problem.”
If cut eye could kill, I woulda been down by Peter Griffith at Lyndhurst Funeral home!
One hour later, after two reminder trips to de counter, de “expert” come to sort me out, using not some new technology but a long piece of wrought iron and hard plastic to wedge between the window and de door frame.
What an experience! Thankfully de rest of de trip was mostly uneventful until I misplaced and lost my iPhone in Miami Airport just before boarding de flight which had de PM and Maxine McClean.
One minute, I was pun de phone; de next, de phone gone missing. Rushing everywhere, including de toilets, in search of de phone, no luck. Call security, Lost & Found; no luck.
I wanted to ask PM Fruendel to lend me he phone to try and call mine, but I did feel too foolish to just walk up to my PM and declare: “Sir, can you lend me yuh phone? I lost mine.”
I remember wha he did say ’bout people mekking Government nipples sore. So I look fuh another recruit. My thanks to Wayne Gittens fuh lending De Vendor he phone to try to connect to mine. Sadly, no luck.
Then, as I entering de plane crestfallen, I hear muh phone ringing. It was in my backpack all dis time. Talk ’bout feeling dotish, again.
A trip from hell, if yuh ask me.
Finally, pun de last night in Miami I decide to watch Fox News fuh li’l comic relief.
A man in a town hall meeting ask Donald Trump how he propose to build dis wall. Trump insists he gine build de wall.
Fuh once, I agree wid Trump. In fact, de USA shoulda build a wall decades ago, ’cause if dem did build a wall, Trump ancesters woulda never get to Amurca; and, all now, Amurca would not de dealing wid Trump stupidy!
I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?