A local magistrate has lashed out at women who give themselves easily to men whom they know nothing about, often not even their names or where they live.
And, said Wanda Blair, when children are born as a result of these easy “favours”, many of these women go to the court seeking child support, but refuse to grant the fathers access to the children.
“I am finding more and more, women are sharing their favours . . . too easily, and when they wake up and the children are born they suddenly realize that the man who they shared their favour with, he is a good for nothing,” Blair last night told one of the Man Talk series of panel discussions organized by the Men’s Fellowship of the Cave Hill Wesleyan Holiness Church.
“Some of them don’t even know the name of the man . . . don’t know where he lives, so they come to file an application for maintenance, and they don’t even have an address because they do not know.
“Some of them know the man by a call name. So how is the [court] marshal going to go in search of this man?”
The magistrate, who presides over family cases dominated by child maintenance claims, blamed the socialization of girls for this practice, stating it was important to consider “how we socialize our women in this society. We have to be careful how we socialize our daughters”.
As the only woman on the four-member panel, which was also moderated by a man, the magistrate made no excuses for the behaviour of the women who go before the court demanding child maintenance from men they hardly knew or they sometimes detest.
Many of them are vindictive, she said, and seem to view the men as cash machines, and nothing more.
“They see the children as their children. It seems as though the man didn’t play any role at all. They see his role as mainly providing money for the child.
“They refer to the child as ‘my child, I don’t want my child to go at him,’” Blair told the discussion themed, Is child maintenance a man thing?
“I often say to them, ‘if you curse the father of your child, it is a reflection on you, of your poor choice, because you are the person who chose that man to be the father of your child, so don’t waste your time cursing the child about the father’. The child has nothing to do with choosing that man . . . . Therefore it is a reflection of our poor choice.”
Blair said many of these women often gave “all sorts of excuses” when fathers demand access to the children, citing an example of a mother giving as a reason, “the house in which the man was living in look as though it would capsize any moment”.
“I said, ‘if you knew where he was living before you got the child [but] you went ahead and got the child for this man, he [the child] is going to visit his father at that same house,’” she told the audience.
Blair also hit out at women who “feel better than the men” simply because they had found a job, and those who “all of a sudden realize that the man is a drug dealer”.
The magistrate said she often explained to the mothers, “That’s not going to help. Maintenance goes hand in hand with access to your child.”