My friend Kelenna Browne suggested that I write this week’s column topic.
This week, we discuss the types of men women ought to avoid. We women often ignore the many red flags and formulate stories from our expectations and confuse these stories with reality.
With the assistance of some close friends, below is a compiled list of the types of men we women should stay clear of.
This gentleman sees himself as better than everyone and even his friendships with men leave a lot to be desired. He is arrogant and selfish. Knowing this himself, he desists from committed relationships because he does not want to reciprocate. Reciprocation or commitment is a task for him as they involve giving too much of himself. He has deep-seated issues. Unfortunately, he is so full of himself that he will never humble himself, face his issues and change for the better.
These are usually men who have been coddled beyond a certain age by their mothers which results in dangerous effects. The boy expects all women to treat him like his mother. In truth, no woman will ever match up to his mother.
Because his mother continues to coddle him (a big hard back man) he expects all women to behave in this fashion. This is not the man to be up-front with you on issues. This is not the man to plan a future with. This is not the man to expect loyalty or monogamy from either. Why? He is a grown boy not a man.
The womanizer is the most common type to avoid. This man believes that he is actually entitled to have more than one woman. He will justify this to himself. Whilst he may not try to justify this to his women, the real danger comes when women justify this to themselves.
As a result, we would tell ourselves stories such as “Well, at least it is me he is married to” or “If they were happily married, I won’t be here.” We may settle as the wife who is being cheated on or the side-chick because we believe he is better than most men. We would rather have a slice of his cake than leave, be alone or be someone else’s faithful pudding.
The womanizer may have a good job. I suggest he should because supporting two or three households is a huge financial undertaking. Word to the wise: the womanizer expects complete loyalty from his women. This is unconditional.
Years ago, in my naiveté, I thought that such men did not exist. However, a conversation with a group of accomplished young women a few years ago showed me the ‘light’. There are some men who believe they are doing women a favour by offering sexual relations. They prey on successful women for financial assistance. This is done while they spend the day in the gym or dream of being kept men and future house husbands.
One man even offered an acquaintance to be her sperm donor because he thought she was ‘getting up in age’. He opined that she should be more than willing to (a) have a child from his unproductive self (b) support him in his endeavours because she would have a vested interest in her soon-to-be baby-daddy.
Please do not confuse the scrub with a good, supportive man who is less financially successful than his woman and is fine with this.
This man takes the Bible reference “The man is the head of the household” uber-seriously. Ladies, any man who does not treat his female colleagues or subordinates properly is not a man to settle with. Many of us bury this red flag until he starts to treat us badly. The chauvinist is fine with your endeavours in courtship. However, in the breakdown of the relationship he will lambaste you for being “lazy” or ‘not willing to work”. If I had the option to be a housewife, I would assess my husband’s mother and how he treats her – especially if she too is a housewife.
This one does not know the truth if you scribbled it on the Errol Barrow Highway in fluorescent orange spray paint. This man will lie his way through a rabbit hole, a roller coaster or twenty-five dollar Jolly Roger Cruise. The red flag here is: if they lie about the simplest of things, they will lie about the serious things.
This kind of man will twist situations on you. If you catch him in a situation, the problem will not be with him and his deceitful ways, he will turn the situation on you. He will convince you that something is, in fact, wrong with your eyes! You will always be the problem. You will always be “paranoid’ and your friends who warn or inform you will always be jealous of your relationship. Abort. Mission. Now.
The talk show host
Men who gossip are not sexy. He could be a cross between Idris Elba and Morris Chestnut (the younger version) or Brad Pitt and David Beckham. If he talks too much, avoid this man. If he is the person who forwards the latest gossip meme into the group chat or always knows the latest gossip, this is not the person for you. This means that when things go sour between the two of you, he will be the first to tell everyone his version of the story. His face lights up at mention of people’s business. He is the loudest in the barber shop and always seems to know the scoop. If things go south between the two of you, keep the relationship cordial but not too deep. Be aware of the fact that he will tell his future girlfriends ALL of your business.
In conclusion, before all the men in Barbados start a petition against this column, I would like to point out that there are many respectable, kind-hearted men in our society. There are many men who cannot be placed in any of these lists. Until you find one of these gentlemen, use this list as a guideline in your dating experiences and post-divorce shenanigans.
Toni Thorne is a founder and entrepreneur who enjoys a great debate, family time, island life and minding her mouth! Email: [email protected]