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Man says his ex-partner’s claims that he physically abused her are false

by Anesta Henry
7 min read
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The man at the centre of claims of domestic abuse by his estranged partner is denying the accusations.

Damien Dowell says he is heartbroken and in tears after his partner of 16 years claimed that she ran away from him two weeks ago following years of verbal and physical abuse.

Thirty-eight-year-old Dowell, who contacted Barbados TODAY requesting that his side of the story be heard, said that his partner Tachima Brathwaite [not her real name], has made up a story about him abusing her to get a house from the Government.

He admitted that while he and Brathwaite would quarrel about personal issues, but said he does not abuse her.

“This story got me surprised. Why you doing this? To get a house? She does get help from the government. I give her money every week because I does work at a farm. If she want to leave she could leave. I ain’t got she pinned down. She come here and get the children’s clothes and I ain’t stop she or nothing.

“It didn’t have to be this way. If you want to go and leave you could make a decision and leave. It ain’t got to be that I does beat you up and do all of these things. But in life you can’t trust people because the ones you love, respect and think wouldn’t do these things would hurt you in the future,” he said.

Brathwaite related to Barbados TODAY during an interview that she ran from the “shed” where she was living with Dowell and their eight children for years because she was tired of the ‘abuse”. She made a passionate appeal for assistance with a house for herself and her children. She claimed she was currently seeking refuge in the living room of a friend’s house with her youngest child while the other children stayed with relatives.

However, Dowell, who said he felt insulted that Brathwaite referred to the small two-bedroom wooden structure he built for his family next to his mother’s house, as a shed, indicated that he was surprised by the woman’s story which touched thousands of readers.

He said about a month ago Brathwaite told him that she wanted to join a programme which would allow her and the children to get a house when it is concluded. Dowell said when he conducted his investigations and found out that the programme involved Brathwaite going to the Business and Professional Women’s Club (BPWC) for battered women.

“She told me that she going to the programme, she would get a house and we will all go together as a family in a bigger place. She say that it is a place where women does go and small children and in a few months or so them does get a house.

“She say she in NHC [National Housing Corporation] waiting for so long to get a house. So she say she would see about this plan and go about it,” he said.

He explained that she left two weeks ago with the baby, but returned last week and collected three of the younger children and indicated that she was taking them to the shelter with her.

Dowell said he learnt that Brathwaite went to a friend’s house and sent the three children to her aunt’s house. He said when the aunt could not get in contact with her niece, she brought the children back to him on Sunday.

He said he currently has six of the children with him, including Braedthwaite’s 15-year-old who is not his child.

“If I is the abuser, why is it that you gone long and leave them with me?. A mother don’t leave her children. If you ain’t going to the programme then you should take your other children. Be a mother and deal with what you have to do,” he said.

“But all the time she does go long and come back and I does got the children. She does be going by she friends. This is not the first time. She does go long by she friend where I went and see her Friday. If I am an abuser, why I come to see you Friday and still give you money for the last little girl because that is the only one she got?

“She come outside with the baby and we talked. I hold the baby, the baby run bout and everything was okay. Every day you calling me telling me you got to get this, you got to get that,” Dowell added.

The father said it appears to him that his estranged partner is overwhelmed with mothering eight children. He said he has assisted her with setting up a shop which she was operating until she left.

However, Dowell said that he told Brathwaite that if she was tired of being home, she should find a job.

“Sometimes she would want her freedom and she would say the children got she pinned down. But, if you want better you go about it in the right way. Everybody wants help, you getting help but when you fall on your own you want people to blame,” he said.

Dowell said he is hurting and is unsure about any future relationship with Brathwaite.

“I love [Brathwaite] but right now the lies and the deceit in the relationship ain’t called for because nobody ain’t got you chain up”.

Dowell said to make his family as comfortable as possible, in addition to working on the farm, he has a kitchen garden and keeps livestock to assist with running the home. He made it clear that while there are people questioning why so many children, he has not complained about having them.

The father said that his children are his and Brathwaite’s responsibility and noted that they have the duty to buckle down and raise them.

Barbados TODAY spoke to some of Dowell’s neighbours who indicated that they were not pleased about the situation, particularly because the children were hurting.

One of Dowell’s siblings, who gave her name as Kim, said that she believes Brathwaite was not being fair to her brother. She said her younger sibling has been trying his best to do right by Brathwaite from the time he took her into their home against his family’s  wishes when she was pregnant with her first child,.

“He support that baby until she is now almost 16. As a normal couple they would argue, but beating, no way because we wouldn’t condone it. “Tell the truth. Say that you have eight children and you don’t like where you live and you want help. If we were such a bad family, why she gone and her big girl who is not my brother’s child here with us?,” Kim said.

Dowell said that he and Brathwaite even had plans of renting a house in St Lucy which would allow the large family to be comfortable and be closer to their older children’s school.
(anestahenry@barbadostoday.bb)

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