#BTColumn – In honour of parents

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today.

by Suleiman Bulbulia

There is a common thread that runs through our faith traditions, cultures and human identity when it relates to the honouring of our parents. The scriptures abound with reminders and instructions on the importance and directive to give full care and love to our fathers and mothers.

The fifth commandment spells it out in the Old Testament: “Honor thy father and thy mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”

And the Holy Quran further instructs: “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and be good to your parents. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of annoyance and do not repel them, but rather speak to them a noble word. Lower to them the wing of humility for them, out of mercy, and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.”

Our shared historical experiences and traditions have shown us that a great deal of emphasis was placed on the respect and honouring of parents.

Modern, materialistic cultures have tended to erode some of this. For Caribbean people, slavery was the cursed system that enforced a separation of parents from that God-given bond with children. A curse that unfortunately continues to haunt our society today.

We know from our experiences that parental love is an important component in the positive development of the child from inception to death.

Parental love cannot be replaced. And in some cases, that love has to be given by one parent, either the mother or the father, due to the absence of one or the other. Or in some cases by a non-biological parent, oftentimes referred to as the guardian (s) due to the absence of both biological parents.

I lived my 50+ years having both parents around. It wasn’t until November 27 this year that I had to come to grips with the loss of my father. He died at 88 years old. I know people, close and otherwise, who have lost one or both parents and I sympathized with them but that true pain is not known until you, yourself experience it.

That pain is perhaps even greater for an orphan with both parents gone.

My father was an orphan at an early age. His mother died when he was around seven years old and his father when he was 19. But his father was absent in his life from around five years old as he had migrated to Barbados from India, leaving my father behind.

My father sometimes spoke of that experience of having no father or mother at such a young age and having to be brought up by other relatives. That is a different kind of love or care.

With the loss of one or both parents, one can truly appreciate the life and feelings of an orphan. My faith teachings have placed a great deal of emphasis on the care and support of orphans. Their material needs are as important as their emotional requirements. In Islam, it is the right of a child to be protected, taken care of physically, psychologically and emotionally. And these rights don’t change when they become orphans.

We owe a great deal to our parents, especially those who sacrifice and struggle to make a better place in the world for us. As they age, we are expected to take on the responsibility of taking care of them, just as they shouldered the responsibility of caring for us as babies and children.

To ignore or put aside our parents in their older years is a grave dereliction of our duties and their rights over us. Persons who do such, do so at their own peril. It will come back to haunt them. And similarly, persons who are patient, loving and caring to their parents in their old age will find the results rewarding. Such is the promise of the Creator.

One of the greatest tragedies of our modern world with all its advancements in science, technology and comforts is the care of our elderly parents.

In too many cases, our developed societies have chosen to institutionalise our elderly rather than promote the care of them by their offspring. The COVID-19 pandemic has certainly compounded this and made it even harder.

Those who still have a parent or both still alive should cherish every moment with them, no matter how difficult it may be. Those are opportunities that one can never recover once they are gone.

I found great pleasure in learning from my father his different life experiences as he grew up and what it meant for him. My wish was to learn more and document it for our future generations.

That chapter is closed from his point of view. But I recommend it to all that you take the time to have those conversations with your parents if they are alive. Let them speak freely of their life, ask questions, engage them. I am sure you will learn a lot and find some interesting information.

In an age when we were not consumed by the clutches of social media, conversations around the table or in the living room were about the past, life experiences that helped shape who we are; lessons that instilled in the younger generation that sense of worth and challenged us to do better.

We miss our parents when they are gone. Treasure them when they are alive so that the memories will keep us strong.

Unconditional, forgiving, and altruistic. This is how a parent’s love is for their children. We can’t thank our parents enough for what they give us. But we can surely give them something back in little ways – a warm hug, a cute gift, words of appreciation, or a little gift to make them smile. We can pray for them and hold them in our thoughts. And for sure, we don’t need a Mother’s Day or a Father’s Day or a birthday or some holiday to show and express our love.

We can do so at every opportunity.

Suleiman Bulbulia is a Justice of the Peace; Secretary of the Barbados Muslim Association, Muslim Chaplain at the U.W.I, Cave Hill Campus and Chair, Barbados Childhood Obesity Prevention Coalition. Email: suleimanbulbulia@hotmail.com.