#BTColumn – Kindness demands understanding

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today.

by Julia Hanschell

As brilliant as a teacher may be in delivering content, a successful teacher goes far beyond ensuring students learn material and obtain good grades.

Teaching is REALLY about three things: helping a child navigate the hard knocks of life, guiding them when they have no idea how to get back up and ensuring they learn how to feel good about themselves.

Basically, teachers must CARE about the person far more than their acquisition of knowledge.

This is thrust upon us, often at the most unexpected times. An offhand comment, body language that speaks volumes or simply, a ‘vibe’. We ignore these at our peril. Our students now need us more, on a personal level, than ever before.

That is why Theology and Teaching are referred to as, ‘Callings’.

We deal in hearts and minds. Although both professionals face countless ‘small moments’, that are actually incredibly huge moments, unlike Theologians, teachers have little training in this area and are faced with responding from the heart.

I remember years ago stopping a class, because of a
“‘throw-away’, derogatory comment a student made about himself. In retrospect, it was the mother in me that understood, but it was the Teacher in me that responded.

I asked the class to follow me downstairs. We set up chairs in a circle, near a wall with a full-length mirror; it stands there to this day.

I told the class, ‘I want you to look at the person to your right, then stand in front of the mirror and say something you like about them as a person; the only rule is that it cannot be superficial (their looks, possessions or popularity do not count).

When it came to the student who had made the negative comment about himself, the person to his left could not find anything good to say about him.

The silence was deafening. The ‘herd-mentality’ was making a point: ‘We, collectively, don’t like him.’

My heart wept; I knew this would happen. I also knew, they did not KNOW the REAL him.

So, I said, ‘MY TURN; I want a turn!’

I told the group, I admire him because of the great big brother he is. I know he uses his free time to paint murals at the hospital to cheer up the children who are there.

I know he participates in cleaning up beaches and saving turtles. I know he is community-spirited and genuinely cares about people and animals.

I know he does this without fanfare; I know he is humble – he doesn’t need to be seen to do it or to be praised. We have a genuinely good person secretly among us and we just do not know how good!

The revelations within the group were tangible. The
self-reflection was immense. Relationships were changed in a split-second. INSIGHT WAS THE SAVIOUR, not just for the student, but for everyone.

Nothing was ever the same again. That soundless dislike was never repeated. No, he never became ‘Mr. Popular’, but respect and admiration were born that day for a student who needed it most.

It was one of the highlights of my teaching life.

Unkind words, like rumours, are like a burst feather pillow, where every feather is scattered by the wind. We can never collect them all, in spite of how hard we try.

So, we always have to keep in mind that all children are ‘works in progress’. They can be unbelievably, deliberately or unknowingly, cruel to each other – unless we show them how to ‘paint over a canvas’.

I see students ‘ball up’ their work in frustration and I tell them that does not make it disappear; it is merely away from view.

Get it out of the trash and learn from the mistake. Try again. Your mistake, your dissatisfaction, is how you grow. Celebrate it. Give yourself a second chance. Be gentle with yourself.

It is so easy to criticize; to judge. It takes such resilience to summon the courage to publicly try again. Surely, inspiring resilience is one of the greatest obligations a teacher has.

To end on a happy note, last week I had a group of Form 6 students. As a sociology experiment in my ‘Adulting’ Gap Year module, they had to choose images and create memes that described the expressions of six people at school. Every single meme was positive. Many were clever, funny or insightful; none were derogatory.

In the age of Social Media, where the injury from ‘slipping on a banana peel’ is publicly celebrated, rather than empathized with, my group exhibited magnanimity in the words they chose. My heart jumped for joy.

I then showed them destructive memes on Social Media and yes, they thought them funny (and even true), but they also knew they were designed to injure and inspire discrimination. The message was clear.

We all have unkind thoughts at times. It’s how we choose to respond to them that matters.

They all grasped, that KINDNESS DEMANDS UNDERSTANDING. And that GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT is a conscious choice.

As an ‘Accidental Teacher’, I still have so much to learn!