#BTColumn – Stop denying fathers access to children

This may be too long, but it’s difficult to shorten my concerns and I plead for my essay to be afforded the space to highlight this ignored issue that has led to increased juvenile dysfunction.

As at August 17, 2020, another young man was felled by the gun. Thus, I can no longer remain silent about the absence of fathers and their role in the lives of boys. Too many in society are silent and male groups seem uncertain of their roles in mitigating dysfunction and delinquency among young boys.

Yes, I may upset many but I am allergic to deceitfulness, for if it’s the only way to provoke some form of sensible, meaningful response then so be it. Our young men are crying out for help, but where are those who care or are even willing to listen? Unfortunately, those with big brains continue to push the academic theory of fighting fire with fire. Research, however, shows you cannot solve anger, hopelessness, low emotional intelligence and low social intelligence among the young men with strong-arm tactics. We need meaningful social interventions that are sustainable from the grass roots level and not from the top.

When I see the newspapers with young men and hear of juveniles in court, it saddens me as 99 per cent of the time, no fathers are seen. Recently, two 13-year-olds were made to publicly apologize and a mother and grandmother were in attendance and yet again, no fathers were present. When a young man is killed, the media interviews always show the absence of fathers. Where are the fathers and other strong male role models other than DJs, sports persons and soca artists? How do we as a society ensure fathers are not continually erased from the socialization of our children’s lives?

Matters relating to fathers having access to children can be adversarial and many non-threatening, supportive fathers are left emotionally drained by having to fight to be in the lives of their kids and prefer to stay away. Who cares?

Another beef of concern to fathers is the Child Care Board in its current dispensation. It needs renewal and a new mandate, for it seems uncertain of its role as a child protection agency. A father recently complained about what he termed shabby treatment as it related to his complaint to the Child Care Board, for no record could be found of his report of child neglect and his concerns seem to have been ignored. But who cares? Perhaps a name change to Child Protective Services may imbue a passion in them to get up out of their air-conditioned offices and respond to queries of concerned fathers.

Truth be told, all levels of our society have perpetuated the belief of most mothers that they own children and fathers’ roles are mainly financial. Information gathered from calls received from many non-threatening supportive fathers is that many are too frustrated to fight a system which seems to lump all men as delinquents and mothers as victims.

One man recently complained that during COVID-19, he was refused access to his kids in the form of video calls or telephone calls as his regular court ordered visitation was impossible during curfew. Another father remarked he is still waiting nine months on a court date to inform the court of a breach of access order; he is now too frustrated after four years with the back and forth – a total of four little girls whose fathers are tired fighting and prefer to walk away. But again, who cares about the emotional abuse of our children, which is clearly a human rights issue if we really understood what “in the best interest of child” meant.

Let me say, without fear or contradiction, it would appear from reports from lawyers and fathers that courts and social services seem not to care about how non-threatening supportive fathers are erased from the lives of their children. Do magistrates, judges and social workers understand that when one parent denies a child access to the other parent it can cause emotional trauma, leaving life long scars?

Not long ago, a young boy went missing, only for it to be later learnt he walked from St Lucy to Eagle Hall to find his father. Thank God he was not charged for wandering. Last week, I was told by another father of how his teenage son told him his mum would always ask him to provide a very good reason why she should allow him to spend time with his dad. But who cares when fathers are absent to avoid being labelled troublemakers? Many of you cannot fathom the love many fathers have for their children while the legislators fiddle with a Family Court and Support In Kind Maintenance Act amendment.

Our university needs to do a study on the impact of absent fathers in deviancy and teenage dysfunction. How many of the young men in prison came from homes where fathers were absent? How many of those who killed over the last 15 or 20 years had a father figure in the home?

Barbados Most Wanted, a book by Criminologist Kim Ramsey should be read by all Magistrates, Judges, social workers and legislators. How much longer will we continue to ignore the role strong father figures play in shaping the lives of children?

Girls without fathers tend to seek the love and affection of older men and are more accepting of domestic abuse as a form of fatherly love. Boys seek acceptance and validation from undesirable males as role models. These are the same role models who hire youngsters to act as hired guns, rent guns and provide illegal drugs on consignment.

How will stiffer jail sentencing, militarized policing and a Police Force that was formed to keep slaves in check and has not become a Police Service in 2020 solve socio-economic issues of restless youth? What does high illiteracy in Dodds tell us all as a society? High illiteracy, like poverty, fuels antisocial behaviours.

A 1966 educational system continues to fail our boys from the primary stages. Politicians, the ones who are self serving, use and abuse the youth while short changing them with handouts but never empowering them to be self sufficient. Do you think giving a young man a weed wacker or debushing job to keep him or her just above the poverty line is empowerment?

May the government’s Chief Legal Advisor find it in his political soul to engage with fathers who are also voters. When a country loses its youth, it threatens our economic development. Finally, the question begs, why do politicians wait until an upcoming election to show empathy, care and concern but apathy after election? It’s very puzzling.

Kammie Holder

Fathers & Parents For Justice