#BTColumn – Fatherhood: ‘Spend time with your child’

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today Inc.

by Jade Gibbons

Dario Stoute is a 28-year-old teacher at Westbury Primary School. He enjoys reading and “all things sports.” With his wife Kandice, Stoute has one child aged 22 months.

In speaking about his own dad, he indicated that his father, educator and trade unionist Pedro Shepherd had been present in his life though not always active, but could be counted on when it mattered. Because his parents separated when he was very young, Stoute’s fondest memories of his father involved their weekend routine of going to Three Houses Pond.

Stoute was 26 years old when his first child was born. In speaking about the relationship between him and his wife prior to the pregnancy, he said: “We were already living together.

We were starting to consider [having children] in the future. Yes, I loved her. I loved how we interacted, the dynamics between us. Based on her qualities I was already thinking ‘yea, I want her to be the mother of my children.’

I loved her ability to manoeuvre through hardships [and] her willingness to forgive. She is very supportive and determined. My friends were very excited. I got a lot of ‘oh, about time.’ People were volunteering to babysit from the get-go.”

When asked what were his fears during the pregnancy, Stoute said: “literally everything. You read a lot to prepare but so many things can go wrong. I knew it was going to be a boy. I just wanted a healthy baby.”

When asked to describe the day his son was born, Stoute stated: “It was the day after the due date. Kandice was already having contractions from the day before.

We were staying with my mother at the time and she was all amped up. My wife and I went to sleep. When we woke up the next morning, Kandice was like ‘it’s time to go.’ We got ready peacefully.

Our son’s name means peace. My mother was already at the door ready to go. We got to the hospital at 10 o’ clock and he was born at 12:05 p.m.

I didn’t realise I could get so nervous. The nurses told me to take Kandice for a walk and halfway through she just leaned on me with all her weight.

And I was like ‘no, you can’t just sit down in the middle of the hallway.’ New-borns are surprisingly strong. The nurses gave him to me to hold for some skin-to-skin while they did some stuff with Kandice.

I wasn’t holding him very good. You know, it was my first time holding a new born. And he took his arm and pushed himself off my chest.”

When asked to describe a scenario where his child did something that made him proud, Stoute said: “I get proud when he breathes… I am proud of how quickly he learns. During the lockdown, Kandice and I were doing exercises at home. Then one day he went and picked up a 10lb kettle bell.

Obviously, I took it from him but I didn’t realise he had been watching. I didn’t expect how early his personality developed. Nobody warned me. His stubbornness he gets from my wife.

She would say he gets it from me but she’s not the one doing this interview, so I get to tell it my way. I’d say he gets his energy levels from me.”

“Sports is my life so I look forward to his first Sports Day, screaming ‘Go Dembe! Go!’ I really look forward to when he can talk so we can have conversations.”

When asked what accountability and reliability means for him as a father, Stoute said: “I’m half the reason he is here. He didn’t ask to be here so I have to ensure, to the best of my ability, his life is the best it can be.

No slacking. And being true to my word because they recognise that from early. Remember I told you he is stubborn. I can’t tell him one minute that he can have a juice box and then change my mind. He won’t let me get away with it.”

“[To other fathers out there, I’d say] from as early as possible, it is best to spend time with your child and get to know them. It makes the relationship stronger. Have an active hand in how they’re developing.

You can guide a child and that only happens from spending time with them. Otherwise, they’ll emulate other people’s behaviour. They can only emulate yours if you spend time with them.”

Jade Gibbons is an arts and business graduate with a keen interest in social issues and film-making. See https://www.jadegibbons246.com