#BTColumn – There is joy in empathy

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today Inc.

by Suleiman Bulbulia

I came across a post on Facebook by a friend who wrote “I out. Shout me when the locusts reach.” Those versed in scriptural history would recognise in that statement the comparison to what we are going through, from pandemic to volcanic ash to freak storm to hurricane, with the different tribulations faced by the Egyptians who refused to release the children of Israel from bondage at the time of Moses.

Several persons have spoken to our recent afflictions as signs pointing towards the end days. Undoubtedly, many of what we are facing is unprecedented in our history and especially in quick succession of each other.

We haven’t had a global pandemic in over 100 years, Barbados didn’t have a direct hit from a hurricane in 65 years, last volcanic ash fall was in 1979 and the freak storm, not sure of any such experiences in living memory. So it is expected that persons would wonder what is really going on and in trying to make sense may point to a well-known response “God like He coming for His earth”.

People of varying religious identities may have their own interpretations of what end-days look like and what will happen at such a time. Indeed, my own faith teachings have extensive information on this subject. But that is not the topic of my column today. It is the anxieties and fears that are commonly felt at such times and what we can do to assist in helping others to overcome these uncertainties.

If we reflect on human history we find several examples of times that the earth and its people faced great trials and natural disasters. Plagues, earthquakes, fires, storms, ice-age and the list goes on and on. Millions have died in these tribulations and yet human kind survives at the greatest of odds. But that knowledge doesn’t change the reality for those caught in the midst of it all. The present time is what we focus on and what we seek to overcome as one challenge after the next presents itself.

I was out of water and electricity for 3 days as a result of hurricane Elsa. It was frustrating and upsetting. We have become accustomed to these basic necessities, we take them for granted and are literally like a fish out of water when such luxuries are taken off.

A luxury indeed, for what we take for granted as having access to daily, many in other parts of the world struggle to have such once a month or even longer. The anxieties are real and no one can change that for us. Only our own internal struggling to make the best of every situation is what will ultimately allow us to keep our wits and our sanity.

For some faith, belief in the will of the Creator is what motivates them to take whatever is thrown at them and make it work to their betterment. For some however, regardless of the amount of faith in the proverbial tank, life and its many challenges can be overbearing and emotional distress can take its toll and ultimately affect physical health. It is times like these that we really have to look out for each other and try as much as possible to be more understanding, accommodating and empathic.

I came across an interesting explanation of empathy: “It’s the ability to step into the shoes of another person, aiming to understand their feelings and perspectives, and to use that understanding to guide our actions. That makes it different from kindness or pity.”

Our challenging times really requires the stronger among us, and by stronger I don’t mean physically rather emotionally, to adequately help those who are inclined to being distressed by their circumstances to overcome. Empathy as defined above is a habit we can and should cultivate.

In his article titled Six Habits of Highly Empathic People Roman Krznaric explores this concept. He writes: “But there is a vital question that few people ask: How can I expand my own empathic potential? Empathy is not just a way to extend the boundaries of your moral universe. According to new research, it’s a habit we can cultivate to
improve the quality of our own lives.

“The old view that we are essentially self-interested creatures is being nudged firmly to one side by evidence that we are also homo empathicus, wired for empathy, social cooperation, and mutual aid.

“Over the last decade, neuroscientists have identified a 10-section “empathy circuit” in our brains which, if damaged, can curtail our ability to understand what other people are feeling. And psychologists have revealed that we are primed for empathy by strong attachment relationships in the first two years of life.

“But empathy doesn’t stop developing in childhood. We can nurture its growth throughout our lives—and we can use it as a radical force for social transformation.”

Sometimes we are so caught up in our circumstances that we don’t stop to look out for our relatives and/or our neighbours.

Yet, those who do, and they are many who still do, will confirm the intense sense of joy they achieve by so doing. It is in helping others that one attains that supreme felicity that each human being ultimately seeks.
As we struggle through these challenging times and seemingly endless tests that keep coming at us let’s make sure that we are not left alone or we leave others alone to get through by themselves. We can and must be here for each other.

Even if all we can afford to give is a kind word, an expression of comfort and guidance to doing something that may help the person overcome their difficulty.

In many cases, it is not about what we can physically give but the mere thought of a shoulder to get comfort, someone to speak to may just be all that is required. And if more of us cultivate such habits and it spreads and becomes the norm rather than the exception it becomes part of the culture.

Maya Angelou’s poem “Continue”, which I refer to constantly, sums it up so beautifully. I end with a few verses: Into a world which needed you
My wish for you Is that you continue
Continue
To be who and how you are
To astonish a mean world
With your acts of kindness
Continue
To put the mantel of your protection
Around the bodies of
The young and defenseless
Continue
To take the hand of the despised
And diseased and walk proudly with them
In the high street
Some might see you and
Be encouraged to do likewise
Continue
To plant a public kiss of concern
On the cheek of the sick
And the aged and infirm
And count that as a
Natural action to be expected
Continue

Suleiman Bulbulia is a Justice of the Peace; Secretary of the Barbados Muslim Association; Muslim Chaplain at the U.W.I, Cave Hill Campus and Chair, Barbados Childhood Obesity Prevention Coalition. Email: suleimanbulbulia@ hotmail.com