#BTColumn – Parents and teachers: raising the bar

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed by this author are their own and do not represent the official position of the Barbados Today Inc.

by Julia Hanschell

Mothers’ Day has found me musing on the connection between parents and teachers and the roles and responsibilities within this relationship.

Are the expectations of consumerism in the 2000’s the cause of parents believing that they are paying fees for an ‘all inclusive’ of education and ‘parenting’ by teachers?

Have teachers become, over the past twenty years, the ultimate service providers? If so, is this why teachers are appearing to fail through so much responsibility being placed on them?

I believe that the extent of the obligation placed on teachers is resulting in anxiety-fuelled inadequacy, before they even begin to teach; it is simply, overwhelming in its extent and increasing complexity.

To ‘raise a child up’ is a daunting undertaking, even for parents. Yet teachers are expected to do so, without any inherent emotional connection, while implanting transferrable skills and knowledge for life, and creating a positive sense of self-worth and instilling social values.

It’s hard enough when you give birth to your own flesh and blood and naturally love them. Yours is the ‘nature’ and the ‘nurture’ that shapes your child. You protect and guide, disagree, punish, reward and cherish.

Parents want the ultimate – pride in their children; they settle for satisfaction, scaffolded by love. They do this for their two or three children over the space of twenty years. When children leave home, they thank heavens to have survived the teenage years, and finally enjoy seeing them flourish as independent adults.

Teachers do not have this luxury. Every year’s survival is followed by a new group of students entering their world; dozens they are expected to meaningfully educate, care for and positively impact. This cycle continues, not for twenty years, but for teachers’ entire working lives. Yes, teachers signed up for this, but has the home-school ratio of responsibility shifted?

Can you imagine forty years of looking after teenage children who do not share your DNA and its emotional responsibility? Forty years of going to sleep worrying, accepting you have no real power to impact home experiences? Forty years of sharing your lunch, sacrificing precious free time and practising unconditional compassion and patience?

Forty years of having unrealistic external expectations placed on you, when ‘parenting’ is not in your job description? Forty years of being expected to unconditionally like and safeguard someone else’s children? Forty years of constant exhaustion?

Teaching is the most unnatural profession in the world simply by its duration. It is also the most undervalued job, as many parents discovered when they were sequestered at home with their children learning online.

Has teaching always been this difficult, and if not, what has changed? Society is quite different now and its changes are exponentially swift. I think a major factor at the
root of the social challenge, is the lessening of high expectations of performance.

Do we, in Barbados have lower expectations of performance, driven by inadequate global competitive prospects? Add the mindset, that ‘cool to be smart’, is not a popular ethos anymore. Students efforts, generally, to live up to expectations have all but disappeared. Is celebrating children’s mediocre strengths now acceptable? Are students being cosseted psychologically from the effort demanded to meet expectations?

Does the home-school team need to re-forge their alliance to affect an exceptionality mindset? Has there been a shift in focus and involvement as the world has become preoccupied with ownership of the vestiges of success rather than contribution to successful outcomes?

So, how do we raise the bar of expectation to advantage our island, and exceed student potential?

First of all, we must re-create a structure where school and home collaborate willingly and fully. Within that structure are boundaries that must be non-negotiable. We must set clear expectations of excellence driven by discipline, logic and accountability and invest less in symbolic ‘stuff’ and spend more time modelling values-driven contribution and ambition-fueled endeavour.

We must refuse to accept mediocrity or any of the practices or distractions that fuel them. We must focus on growing multi-faceted children, inspiring their vision and insisting they plan their lives – and ultimately EARN their future.

In the past year, parents have been crying out, understandably, that they cannot be expected to become teachers. Therefore, teachers have every right to express, as they have for decades, that they cannot be expected to substitute as parents.

Let’s raise our expectations across the board so that students have something worthwhile to aim for, reducing entitlement or nepotism to the trash heap they deserve. Children learn what they live as surely as they live what they learn.

Parents who raise the bar are often those who have experienced the results of high expectations placed on them; expectations that carry no reward other than a sense of personal achievement. Let’s be honest, in life no one receives participation medals or prizes for doing their job well. These are the fundamentals of pay cheques.

Parents and teachers must re-examine their individual responsibilities and balance must return. Neither are in it for the income; they are in it for the outcome. Children’s lives are at stake and raising the bar is now an absolute necessity.

Julia Hanschell can be contacted on smartstudying @gmail.com.