Parents can often find themselves being judged harshly, not only by society but by their offspring. Society has a reasonable expectation that parents should know how to raise children that are assets to the community in which they live and not dangers.
For while it may seem a simple task, parenting comes with no handbook or user manual. Most parents often do the best they can within their limitations.
There is a famous quote which reads: “Children begin by loving their parents; after a time, they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. One of the greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the world is to have parents to call mom and dad.”
As the traditional family structure in Barbados evolves away from “the family house” with several generations of relatives including grandmothers, aunties and cousins, parents and children under one roof, to the Western culture of the nuclear family, parents have fewer people within their circle on whom they can depend for support and child care.
We are not here to offer excuses for bad parenting, but it is undeniable the enormity of the role.
The issue of parenting and the negative behaviours of some of our young people, particularly boys and young men, has again come to the spotlight following a viral video in which schoolboys recklessly vandalised a bus shelter in Holetown, St James.
Barney Gibbs, the Managing Director of Adopt A Stop, the provider of bus shelters through the sponsorship of corporate Barbados, removed the shelter and replaced it with a bench. The action taken by Gibbs was seen as a little harsh, as it impacted other commuters who welcome the respite from long wait times for public transport and shade from the scorching days the island has been experiencing.
We welcome the clarification from Mr Gibbs that the removal of the shelter was a temporary measure to repair it and that it would be returned to the spot in a few days.
Despite the alarming actions of the schoolboys, Mr Gibbs explained that vandalism of the shelters was a rare occurrence.
“We have been doing these shelters for over 25 years and I can count about one vandalism so far and about one or two accidents,” he outlined.
In condemning the behaviour of youngsters, attention obviously shifted to the role of parents.
Simeon Nicholls, the chairman of the Frederick Smith Secondary School issued an appeal for parents to deal with their children’s bad behaviour and stop ceding the responsibility to teachers, who themselves are challenged with parenting their own children.
“I want the general public to understand that teachers are not superhumans. They also have children to deal with and their own problems so I would like to see a Barbados where when the students come into school, they know basic things like how to behave, how to respect the property, other people and their teachers,” he stated over the weekend as Barbadians voiced their concerns during a special edition of Down to Brass Tacks on Voice of Barbados.
Unfortunately, parents took the brunt of the criticism, for good reason. People expect parents to do their job. The problem is that in many households, parents are overwhelmed with the demands of work, and social, economic and financial responsibilities.
For single-parent households, the challenges are even more acute. In this high cost of living environment, parents are consumed with paying the rent or mortgage, putting gas in the car or finding bus fare for themselves and their children for five days or more each week, and then putting food on the table.
Frankly, kitchen table issues dominate and sadly, children are made to grow up much faster than they should. Children of under-privileged homes often feel they never have enough, while too many children in middle and upper-class homes behave entitled and frequently demand more of their parents who are already giving them too much.
What are parents to do? The simple answer is to ask for help. There is no shame in parents seeking assistance when the weight and responsibility of life become overwhelming.
Organisations such as Parent Education for Development in Barbados (PAREDOS), in addition to a host of well-trained and respected counsellors and therapists have the skills to guide parents through the minefield of parenting.
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