In the wake of the deaths of two infant children and their father who was embroiled in a custody battle with his estranged wife, the nation’s leading male rights advocacy group has urged men to seek assistance in family disputes.
The Men’s Education and Support Association (MESA) said in a statement: “This unfortunate incident signals the need for men (fathers) and women (mothers) to have a serious self-examination, and as a result for the legal minds and authorities to revisit and have an objective view when dealing with the custody of children.”
The bodies of 42-year-old English teacher Cornelius Barrow and his two infant children, ages 22 months and eight months, were found in their burnt-out apartment at Warrens Park South yesterday. Detectives are continuing investigations in the matter.
In expressing his condolences to the relatives and friends of the victims of yesterday’s fire, MESA chairman Grantley Osbourne called for parents to engage in serious introspection and for the legal system to take a more balanced view in domestic controversies involving children.
Osbourne noted that “MESA was unaware of the existing problems surrounding the family, and is somewhat surprised that the National Organisation of Women (NOW) was aware; therefore the mother most likely approached NOW for assistance, while the father did not seek any help from MESA”.
Osbourne said this was yet another indication that men were reluctant to discuss their problems.
But Osbourne complained that attempts to vent men’s concerns about visitation and custody to the Attorney General were thwarted by an absence of support from men themselves.
“Recently, we invited the Attorney General to one of our monthly meetings, and we invited men who had been having problems in terms of not being allowed to see their children or have custody of them were invited to attend this meeting and share their views with the Attorney General on this matter. However, only one man responded.”
Osbourne noted, however, that his organisation was working towards developing a healthy rapport with NOW, stating that NOW had invited him to its bi-annual general meeting in May this year, “which was the first time any Chairman of MESA had been invited to any of NOW’s activities.” He said at that same meeting, he expressed his concern about “certain relationships between men (fathers) and women (mothers) which were very detrimental.”
He recalled that he has often encouraged men to be responsible and perform their duties as fathers, and has urged the women’s groups on the island to encourage women to allow fathers to see their children and not to use the children as pawns, since “in the final analysis the children are the losers”.
I am lost if my understanding is correct because I may be wrong she got 4 days and he got 3 days, I believe if there were 8 days in a week they both would have been given 4 each but unfortunately there are only 7 days in a week.
Back in my mother’s and grandmothers time he would have gotten 0 days.
What I want to hear from men is how you are going to provide support for your brothers listening to them and advising them correctly or pointing them in the direction of professional help if they need it.
While we women have our faults we provide a listening ear for each other and offer advice, I may be wrong but I think that is what the men are missing
The biggest issue we face in the region is that men have failed their sons miserably and continue to fail in raising their sons or as a group in grooming the next generation to be women respecting, emotionally mature young men. Own it, fix it.
I do not like to comment on people relationships or get involved unless that relationship is abusive.Therefore I will make a simple observation which I find will be a win win for the egos of both parents rather than the real concern for the child or children well being and development.I think the law in Barbados needs to changed in the child custody case, where both parents are given a 50/50 custody with visitation rights with either party.For e.g if the man is given custody the lady still gets to see their child or children under this 50/50 custody.That is spending a week with the children or weekend with the children that’s works well for everyone.Likewise for the man is the lady has custody the man has 50/50 custody rights.This system is used in Canada extensively and it works for both parents and the children benefits.The issue we have is after relationships are broken up the cordial relationship between both parents are gone,and both are unable to work together on the behalf of the children which would have them being well adjusted citizens in our society.