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By Maya L. Kellman and Professor Dwayne Devonish.
Let’s have an honest conversation. No recording artist sets out to have a flopped album. No entrepreneur’s objective is insolvency. No employee feels thrilled when given the “walking papers” after years of service.
Regardless of your social status, intellectual prowess or how objectively successful you are within your professional space, we all have and will experience rejection at some point in our careers.
Rejection can feel profoundly personal because as humans, we are wired to its resistance and associated feelings of failure. However, we can all agree that rejection most times is the redirection we need to unlock our truest potential!
The phrase “rejection is redirection” is a poetic affirmation, a gentle reminder that life’s seeming setbacks are often veiled setups for something even greater. Within this context we will succinctly highlight seven timeless lessons to cushion rejection and bounce back stronger within your professional pursuits.
Acknowledge your emotions
In this highly competitive and social media obsessed world, we are mistakenly led to believe that we must always keep a professional posture void of human emotions. As humans, with real emotions and feelings, this strategy is untenable. At some point, you will implode or explode.
Following the rejection of a business idea or job offer, the first step is to acknowledge your emotions. You cannot resolve a problem that you do not acknowledge exists. Once acknowledged, take some time to reflect. This may take various forms such as taking a nature break to reset or finding your community.
Spending time to discuss with loved and trusted ones is critical, often providing much-needed words of encouragement and objective reflection when you feel disheartened.
Uncover and develop new skills
When deals fall through, promotions are denied or sales decline, we are forced to regroup and pivot if we intend to remain resilient through negative experiences.
Uncovering and developing skills beyond your present arsenal is vital. To rise to the occasion, there needs to be an occasion! Just take a look at Antiguan cricketer Rahkeem Cornwall’s iconic performance when he demolished the Patriots’ bowling attack leading the Barbados Royals to victory in the ongoing Caribbean Premier League amid growing public sentiments surrounding this ‘fitness’ for the team.
In professional settings, rejection can be tough, especially if it’s a job or promotion we were aiming for. However, by learning a new skill, we increase our marketability and value, positioning ourselves more favourably for future opportunities.
As we immerse ourselves in acquiring a new skill, our perspective shifts. We move from ruminating on the rejection to focusing on growth and progress. This shift is vital for mental well-being and forward momentum. Every new skill is a door to a world of opportunities.
Practice humility
According to leading and internationally recognised coaches within leadership spaces, humility is one of the most important and unsung traits a leader or entrepreneur can develop (Jeff Hyman, 2023).
Practicing humility in the face of rejection can be a powerful learning opportunity for entrepreneurs, creatives and leaders – but only when they have the humility needed to recognise and correct potential shortcomings of their own.
Humility cultivates a mindset of openness. Instead of shutting down post-rejection, humility encourages us to remain open to feedback, to understanding different viewpoints, and to personal evolution.
Humility reminds us that we are all perpetual students in the school of life. When faced with rejection, a humble mindset urges us to ask, “What can I learn from this?” rather than defensively thinking, “I did nothing wrong!”
Ask for help
Everyone with passion and ambition is tragically plagued with “superhero-syndrome”. When the word “help” disappears from your vocabulary, it is found when you crash and burn.
Sometimes, we’re too close to a situation to see it objectively. By asking for help, we invite fresh perspectives that can shed light on overlooked angles or provide a more holistic understanding of the situation. Embracing the skill of delegation is critical for your wellness and progress.
The pain teaches us to move from viewing help negatively as a form of weakness to positively recognising that success is expanding your own capacity by forming a multifaceted team with various skills that share responsibilities and tasks. Often, our biggest barriers are internal – pride, fear of vulnerability, or a reluctance to admit we don’t have all the answers. By seeking help, we challenge these self-imposed limitations, fostering personal growth.
Power of gratitude
In the tapestry of life, gratitude is the golden thread that weaves through our experiences, binding them with a luminous glow and reminding us to honour ourselves. In the face of difficult times, you realise the journey is not always rainbows and butterflies.
It includes licking your wounds and remaining on the battlefield. You will be more inclined to harness the power of gratitude which invites us to intentionally celebrate the peak moments as well as find solace in the valleys where lessons and strengths await.
Gratitude encourages a shift from what is lacking or what went wrong to what is present and right. This reframing can significantly soften the blow of rejection, allowing us to see the bigger picture and the blessings that continue to enrich our lives.
Grow elephant skin – Rejection is not ‘always’ personal!
Just as an elephant’s thick skin protects it from external irritants and injuries, developing a metaphorical ‘elephant skin’ shields us from the sting of rejection. This does not mean becoming indifferent or emotionless but rather cultivating a resilience that allows us to bounce back from setbacks without being deeply wounded.
Every ‘no’ is a chance to reflect. Is there a different approach we could try? Are there areas for growth or improvement? Instead of viewing rejection as a dead end, see it as a mirror, reflecting potential areas of evolution.
Finally, just because we hear ‘no’ today does not mean the answer will be the same tomorrow. Situations change, people evolve, and opportunities arise. A rejection now can be a simple pause, allowing for growth, recalibration, or even serendipity before moving forward.
Fail forward
Rejection is a tough pill to swallow, but if we carry yesterday’s rejection into today, we are doomed to take today’s rejection into tomorrow – and the cycle continues.
“Fail forward” challenges the traditional notion of failure as a negative endpoint. Instead, it reframes failure as a stepping stone, an essential part of the journey towards success.
Each setback becomes a launchpad, propelling us forward with newfound insights and experiences. The idea is not to avoid mistakes but to leverage them. It is about maintaining momentum, even if it means stumbling occasionally.
Each stumble, each fall, carries us a step further, as long as we rise and keep moving. Reframing rejection from a negative experience and observing it as a learning experience can be fulfilling. If you failed to get a job, reflect on why and then move forward by making yourself a better candidate. Attitude also plays a critical role in our success (and altitude) when overcoming rejection.
Frankly speaking, the sting of rejection can
penetrate like a dagger to the heart because it is our ideas, blood, sweat and tears that are being shown the exit. Moving on from rejection can be extremely difficult.
However, you are not moving on empty handed. Underneath rejections and failures, there are lessons and growth awaiting us if we have the courage to unlock them and ultimately give birth to new possibilities. Embrace the art of failing forward, the resilience of an elephant’s skin, and the transformative power of perspectives like gratitude and humility. For in these moments of seeming standstill, we find our most profound momentum. In the end, life isn’t about avoiding the falls but about rising each time, stronger, wiser, and with an unyielding spirit that whispers, “onward”.
Maya L. Kellman, Attorney-at-Law, and Dwayne Devonish, Professor of Management and Organisational Behaviour, UWI, serve on the Promotion and Awareness on Workplace Wellness Sub-committee for the National Workplace Wellness Policy for Barbados 2019.
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