#BTEditorial – Breaking through parenting barriers

Parenting has become much more complicated because our daily lives are just not as simple as they used to be.

It is a fact that while the number of conveniences in the home and at work has increased, this still has not translated into meaningful lives that are bereft of challenges, particularly those that involve parenting.

The matters of education and parenting have become major talking points, particularly against the backdrop of issues involving our young people. They range from issues with the Caribbean Examinations Council (CXC) and its management of the examination processes during and post-COVID-19, the Inter-American Development Bank (IDB)/Ministry of Education fiasco, and, more recently, the Springer Memorial Secondary School “invasion simulation” which traumatised pupils of the all-girls school.

In the broader context, however, there is no escaping the fact that our youth generally seem to be facing significant challenges responding to the pressures of life and our young men appear to be struggling the most, as evidenced by the number of them coming into contact with the criminal justice system.

The level of deviance among girls is also on the rise. Their exposure to very adult content on social media and on messaging platforms often negatively impacts their behaviour and feelings of self-worth, especially during the vulnerable adolescent years.

An objective examination of the issue is likely to reveal that the concerns that we face with our children are deeper and often connected to what happens in the home and the approach taken in the parenting process.

Traditionally, parents were mostly concerned with teaching their children to be responsible, to be mannerly, respectful, and adhere to general Biblical teachings such as ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’.

The worries of parents were very basic and included ensuring that their children received a better and higher quality education than they enjoyed, as well as providing food and shelter.

Parenting, however, has evolved into a much more complicated responsibility, as keeping children safe now extends to the virtual world where control and access by parents are limited.

Added to that, Barbadian parents are also confronting their own struggles which may include trying to achieve upward mobility through advancements in their careers and higher education.

All the while, they are trying to achieve financial goals such as building a home, saving for retirement, and dealing with the rising cost of living, while also trying to have enough money to enjoy social activities.

In all this, they must find time to raise their children while also maintaining strong relationships with partners.

Recently, a group of psychologists addressing the issue of children’s anger issues asked us to circle back and also examine how adults and parents were handling their own anger issues.

As psychologist Cynthia Cici Phillips advised, too many adults are possibly failing to address their own anger issues and, so, are unable to adequately address or even understand the anger issues of their children.

We as a society are finding it difficult to cope with all that we are required to confront. There is a litany of demands and stressors on adults that many are unable to adequately manage in a way that insulates their children from these situations.

Counselling psychologist Shade Watson urged parents to reach out to a professional for help. Watson affirmed the need for parents and caregivers to participate in things their children liked in an effort to make children more comfortable bringing up issues related to their feelings.

“You must create an atmosphere for children to want to speak to you. Don’t shut down the conversation instantly . . . . Give them the opportunity to talk. You must be willing to listen. A child may just need to vent and feel heard,” she said.

What is also required is a national focus on parenting and other social issues if we are to make real progress and address the rapid decline in our social fabric.