When a mistake becomes a public sentence

By Dr Zhane Bridgeman-Maxwell

The videos circulating of school children engaging in sexual acts while in uniform are deeply unfortunate. Many people are shocked, disappointed, disturbed and even angry. These emotions are understandable. However, what has been far more concerning to me is the way in which many adults have chosen to respond to these children.

I am in no way excusing the behaviour. There was clearly a lapse in judgement and we can agree that poor decisions were made. Nevertheless, adulthood should come with the ability to respond to difficult situations with perspective and humanity. Instead, what many of us have witnessed is ridicule, humiliation, public shaming and a disturbing eagerness to circulate these videos even further.

At some point, we need to ask ourselves a difficult question. When adults continue to share these videos, what exactly are we trying to accomplish? Every person who forwards, reposts or distributes these videos becomes part of the very thing that continues to damage these children long after the initial mistake was made. We are no longer passive observers. We become contributors to the dismantling of a young person’s dignity, mental wellbeing and potentially, their future.

What troubles me is that many adults seem to have forgotten what it meant to be young. We speak about children as though we ourselves emerged from adolescence morally perfected and emotionally mature. We did not. Many of us made reckless decisions, acted impulsively and exercised poor judgement. The difference is that our mistakes were not permanently documented, replayed and circulated to thousands of people within minutes.

A friend of mine recently described today’s children as living inside a fishbowl, and honestly, I think that analogy is painfully accurate. Young people are growing up in a world where nearly everything is on display. Cameras are everywhere and the instinct now seems to be to record first and reflect later.

Far too often, people are quicker to post and share than they are to intervene or help.

There was once a time when appearing in a video required consent through signed release forms. Faces were blurred to protect identities and even accidental bystanders were afforded a level of privacy. Today, we casually record strangers during their most vulnerable moments and upload them online without hesitation. Children are growing up under a level of exposure that many adults never had to navigate.

At the same time, we also have to acknowledge the environment young people are being raised in. Children exist within an intensely sexualised culture where explicit language,provocative imagery and adult themes are woven throughout music, entertainment, advertising and social media. Sometimes young people actively seek these things out, but other times, the Internet places them directly in front of children long before they are emotionally equipped to process what they are seeing.

Furthermore, our children are growing up in an era where platforms such as OnlyFans have normalised the monetisation of sexualised content. Teenagers are aware that there are adults making enormous amounts of money by performing for cameras and selling intimate content online. They see ordinary people becoming influencers and public figures through sexualised self-presentation. Whether people agree with it or not, this is part of the reality young people are observing every day. So when we discuss the behaviour of children, wecannot ignore the wider culture shaping their understanding of attention, validation and exposure.

Again, none of this excuses poor behaviour, but context matters if we genuinely want solutions instead of outrage.

We cannot continue pretending that children are shaped only by parents and schools. Social media now plays a significant role in how young people understand relationships, identity, intimacy and self-worth and when adults avoid difficult conversations, the internet fills that silence for us.

This is why conversations surrounding sex, consent, boundaries and emotional maturity can no longer remain taboo.

Young people need spaces where they can ask uncomfortable questions without fear of immediate condemnation. When children feel unsafe speaking to adults, they simply turn elsewhere for guidance, often to peers who are equally confused or online spaces that have no real investment in their wellbeing.

We also need more serious discussions surrounding mental health support within schools. Guidance counsellors alone cannot carry the emotional and social burden many students are dealing with today. Schools need trained psychologists and support personnel who can help students navigate peer pressure, emotional struggles, family instability and shame, especially if situations escalate publicly.

Most importantly, adults need to recognise that how we respond to children during their worst moments can shape the course of their lives. Disappointment is understandable.

Anger is understandable. Concern is understandable. However, dehumanisation should never become acceptable.

A child who is corrected with compassion is far more likely to grow than one who is publicly humiliated. Young people need accountability, but they also need guidance, support and the reassurance that a mistake does not have to become a life sentence.

Too often, adults claim they want young people to “do better”, yet respond to them in ways that make growth almost impossible. We cannot complain about being unable to reach young people while simultaneously reacting to their mistakes with cruelty, mockery and public destruction.

At the end of the day, children will make mistakes. They always have. The real question is whether the adults around them will respond in ways that pull them back toward dignity and growth, or whether we will continue becoming part of the crowd that helps destroy them while pretending it is discipline.

PS: Stop sharing the videos. Thanks.

Dr Zhane Bridgeman-Maxwell is a science educator, researcher, writer and disruptor of outdated education systems in Barbados. Focused on redesigning learning through policy shifts, change management and pedagogical innovation, she amplifies the voices of students, teachers, and parents, while reimagining what school can and should be.